“I all but quit going to church. It was so painful; I’d stand and weep though the singing, and sit and weep through the sermon. I was clinging to the Lord, and doing a lot of praying, but participating in public worship was excruciating. I tried attending a couples Sunday school class, but one visit was all I could muster. No one seemed to notice.”
Home Front Diaries
Birthday
"A lady from our church discovered it was my birthday and made a last-minute cake and brought it over for the kids and I to enjoy."
Benita K.
Childcare
"If you are going to offer for someone to babysit my kids so I can attend an event, be clear if I am expected to pay the babysitter or if this is being offered to me for free."
Benita K.
Children
"I think the families with a special needs family member must be remembered during these deployments and some assistance provided to them. It would be great if there was a list of people who would be interested in providing just an hour or two of respite for these families."
Delores L.
"I had especially hoped that someone/some people would have played a big brother/big sister role to the kids regularly....I hated to be the sole disciplinarian...sometimes I was so tired and emotionally spent that I felt I was too hard on them. I wanted someone to pick them up, take them away and spoil them for a day."
Anonymous
"Sometimes relatives would pick up one or two of the kids, but rarely all three...and I really needed some alone time."
Anonymous
"During my husband's deployment, a relative e-mailed my husband and asked if there was anything he could do with my son on behalf of my husband--a place they liked to go together, a particular restaurant, or an event. It was really neat for him to want to do something personally significant to my family, and help my husband feel involved in giving that experience to my son."
Anonymous
"Our youth director took my son to a baseball game. It meant the world to my son."
Benita K.
"My sister and her family invited us to spend a few days at their house over Christmas. I was so nervous that my three little kids would be well-behaved. I was so touched that they would include us in their Christmas activities."
Benita K.
"www.daddydolls.com is wonderful! They are military spouses that found that children needed tangible things to hold. They will print your soldier's picture on a doll, pillow case, etc., and send it to you. Our son's Daddy doll helped him so much this deployment. He gave and received hugs with Daddy each day. Anytime he was missing Daddy, was sad, had a boo-boo, anything, Daddy was there."
Janet K.
Click here for Daddy Dolls, Flat Daddies, deployment books and other deployment products for children.
Church prayers
"When churches and other organizations recognize and pray for our Soldiers and fail to mention the spouses and families, they lose me right there. The sacrifices we make are sometimes equal if not greater than that of our spouses. When my husband returned from a deployment, he received a standing ovation. I had gone through the worst year of my life...my sacrifices were not noticed or acknowledged."
Anonymous
Church's project
"I was so nervous that my family and I would become the church's project during my husband's deployment. I don't like a lot of public attention. Anonymous or personal gestures of caring would have been appreciated, but I didn't expect that they would hardly reach out at all; I felt lonely and abandoned."
Anonymous
Don't assume...
"If the spouse has family nearby, don't assume that their needs are being taken care of."
Benita K.
"Don't assume that because I have a smile on my face that I'm doing ok. I'm doing my best to survive, and the smile on my face is a means to convince my own spirit that I'm doing ok, while deep inside I may really be struggling."
Benita K.
Flowers?
“One time a guy came to the door with flowers for me. My husband knew him from his growing up years. It was rather awkward, for him and for me. Yet, he told me God put it on his heart to bring me flowers, and I felt God's love for me in my situation because of it.”
Benita K.
Follow Through
"Before my husband deployed our pastor looked him in the eye and said "We'll take care of your wife while you're gone." A month has gone by and no one from church has asked me how I'm doing. I'm doing okay for now, but it would mean a lot if they would show they care."
Catherine
Gift card
"One family in our church sent me a note. They didn't know how to help me in my situation, but felt compelled to send me a gift card for the local pizza place. I was touched by their efforts, and the pizza was greatly appreciated!"
Benita K.
Go-to List
"I think it would be neat for people to offer to be on a "Go To" list. When something happens, like needing a last minute babysitter, having a plumbing problem, car trouble--I would love to have a list of names and phone numbers of people who have offered to help out in those areas if something suddenly comes up and I need advice or service."
Anonymous
"How are you doing?"
"Be genuine in asking the question. If you really want to know how I'm doing, stop, look me in the eye, and ask with a sincere heart."
Benita K.
Hugs!
"My husband is deployed and I don't receive as much affection as I used to. A woman at church told me each time she saw me she was going to give me a hug since I don't have my husband around to do that. I always treasured that sweet gesture."
Anonymous
"Let us know if we can help..."
"The intentions are good...but if you really want to help, instead say: 'I am free on _____ day at _____ time. How can I help you at that time?'
If you make a commitment...Follow through! We are treasuring your commitment, and are highly disappointed when it doesn't happen."
Benita K.
"I was constantly hearing people say what can I do? Over and over again I gave ideas but no one ever reached out to my husband or his unit, let alone the family here. Many times I wanted to scream, we are here!!! we are here!!!"
Brenda L.
"When my husband deployed last year, one of the hardest things I dealt with was how our Sunday school class at church, the people we saw as our family since our real family lived out of state from us, pretty much disappeared off the radar once he left. It was very frustrating and lonely.
But one of the best things that happened to me was when one of my friends (in Wives of Faith) told me to "make a list" of things I needed help with, and wouldn't take no for an answer! She got her church small group to come out and help one Saturday and it was an enormous blessing. So I now always tell churches and individuals in general to ask a military wife for a specific list of things she could use help with - and avoid saying "let me know if you need anything.""
Sara Horn
Founder, www.wivesoffaith.org
Long Distance Church
"We are stationed far away from our home church. I wish our pastor or our elder would call to see how we are doing. I would love it if they would pray over the phone with me."
Anonymous
"My church e-mailed me to ask how I'm doing and if they can do anything to help. If they had taken the time to call me I would believe they really do care."
Anonymous
Meals
"I work in my church and am a member of the military missions ministry. On a few occasions we discussed what could be done for all of the spouses that were waiting here at home on behalf of the church. We came up with some ideas such as delivering to them our hot cooked Wednesday night meal so they could count on that at least one day a week. We do this for our home bound members and figured it would be an extension of the churches ministry. The whole time I wanted to say, “That would be great! We could really use a hot meal once a week.” But I was too embarrassed to include myself with those that were struggling with a 15 month deployment, raising children and couldn’t make it to church on time or at all because someone was having a meltdown."
Sherri T.
"Sometimes if you don't know a way to help, instead of doing nothing, just have me and my kids over for a meal. Not only will that act minister to us, but in the process of communication while eating, you may discover more ways tangible ways to show love and support."
Anonymous
Mother's Day
"Once while my husband was deployed I had a good friend whose kids were older; and her husband was deployed too. She delivered a basket the evening before Mother's Day, because she knew my kids would be to young to make me breakfast. The basket had a special coffee cup, a wrapped muffin, tea bag, and a flower. She made my Mother's Day extra special. A few years later, while most of the guys were deployed on our post, I had my (now older) kids do the same thing for several of the wives. I hope the idea continues on."
Patricia L.
Notes of encouragement
"I love to get mail, and I'm always encouraged to receive a note of encouragement and that we are being prayed for."
Benita K.
Prayer
"It means a lot that people pray for us. That's one of the best ways you can support us."
Benita K.
"We keep a small 4x6 photo album at the dinner table with pictures of Soldier families and our own relatives. At every meal we pray for a relative and a deployed Soldier and his family."
Benita K.
Receiving is hard...
"Sometimes when I give to others, to remove the awkwardness, I tell them that if they are not comfortable receiving it, they are welcome to instead pass the blessing on to someone else, or if it's money, to put it in the collection plate at church."
Benita K.
Soldier encouragement - Afghanistan warm clothing, blanket drive
When my husband (a chaplain) arrived for his tour in Afghanistan he had heard of the villages in the mountains that were so poor and had minimal warm clothes, let alone shoes to protect them from the cold and the snow. Our church was having a community event for kids, and they also used it as a warm clothing and blanket drive for the Afghan people. We were able to send 2600 lbs. (46 large boxes) to two villages and an orphanage. It was such a unique opportunityto reach out to the poor people there, and also was a encouraging experience for the Soldiers who delivered the clothes.
Benita K.
Yard Work
"I would have loved to have been 'cared for' by having someone do some mowing, raking, or shoveling (depending on climate). It would take a load off me and give me more energy for the other duties of single parenthood. This is an incredibly easy thing to help with too because it doesn't require coordinating our schedules or me getting my house ready and presentable. I know of one military wife who never shoveled her own driveway during her husband's entire deployment. Sometimes she didn't even know who had done it, but someone had it on their own heart to coordinate that service for her, and after each snowfall it was always done."
Anonymous
What Hurts Us - What Helps Us
Military spouses tend to be independent and determined to get through the military
separation on their own. It is hard to receive offers of help, and harder to accept.
Sometimes it is good that we keep busy taking care of our own needs, however,
offers of assistance encourage us to know that we are not alone in this.
Offers to help need to be genuine. Insist that you really want to help, but you're not
sure how. And keep asking...situations changes as the deployment drags on.
Churches...be intentional in your support. This is a time that we need to experience
community.
Every situation is unique. The best thing to do is to keep an open line of communication with the family. Ask, with all sincerity, how you can help.
Practical Ideas to Encourage Military Families
"Things we don't have the courage to tell you"
Deployment:
Military Life:
Practical Ideas to Encourage:
For Churches:
For Chaplains:
What You Can Do
Home Front Resources
Some of the Organizations that Support Military Families
Adopts Families - Hugs 4 Smiles USA
When you volunteer, Hugs4SmilesUSA assigns you a deployed hero's family and/or the hero, or military personnel in need of support. You then send the hero two care packages, Packaged Hugs, each month. If the soldier's family has also been adopted, they receive one package each month.
More importantly, between the Packaged Hugs, you correspond with them as well. We hear over and over again from these troops that, believe it or not, these kind words--through email, card, or letter--mean the most. They are always touched that a total stranger is willing to reach out with kindness and generosity, when in their eyes, they are "just doing their job."
If you or a loved one is facing deployment, or are already in a deployment situation, and are seeking adoption, please contact us. You are the very reason Hugs4SmilesUSA exists. Keep in mind that we support both the deployed troops and their families as well. Let us send some Packaged Hugs to your family back home; they need something to smile about, too!
Advocacy - National Military Family Association
The National Military Family Association is an organization with strong grassroots support balanced with professionalism that makes us a leader in the field. Not only do we support military families – we are military families. Spouses, parents, and family members make up our staff and board positions. We speak up on behalf of military families and empower husbands, wives, and children to understand and access their benefits. Based on what we hear from our members, we meet the needs of service members and their families with insightful recommendations, innovative programs, and grassroots efforts to better the quality of life for military families.
Advocacy - USA 4 Military Families
Since many issues surrounding quality of life and family well-being can only be addressed by states, the USA4 Military Families initiative, worked through the Department of Defense-State Liaison Office (DSLO), seeks to engage and educate state policymakers, not-for-profit associations, concerned business interests, and other state leaders about the needs of Military members and their families. By developing state/military partnerships, DoD seeks to work with the states to remove unnecessary barriers, and significantly improve the quality of life for military families.
Anniversary - Free fine art canvas on your anniversary (Operation Hi Honey!)
Canvas on Demand wants to honor our troops who are deployed overseas… and their spouses who are holding down the home front. Operation Hi Honey will award hundreds of our deployed men and women a free fine art canvas, printed from a favorite photo, which will be presented to their Honey on their anniversary. It’s a way for soldiers to say I love you… and it’s a way for Canvas on Demand to say to our troops, Thanks for a job well-done!
Auto Donation - Operation Homefront
Operation Homefront accepts donated vehicles from the community and provides them to military families without personal transportation at no charge. There can be a waiting list for vehicle donations and they are not available in all parts of the country. Through the generosity of our vehicle donors we are able to offer this much appreciated program to military families in need.
Auto Repair - Operation Homefront
For military families that are coping with deployment or injury recovery, Operation Homefront provides vehicle repair services, through authorized service centers. The average cost of a vehicle repair is around $700 with some repairs exceeding $2500. For anyone, that unexpected amount out of a monthly budget can be a burden. However, that amount for a family already coping with the stress of deployment or injury recovery can be devastating. Medical appointments, school attendance, grocery store trips all require safe transportation. By providing this critical service, Operation Homefront helps ease our service members' financial and emotional burdens.
Blue Star Flag (Free) - My Blue Star Flag
In honor of all of the brave men and women in uniform, Grantham University would like to offer every service member a FREE Blue Star Flag that your family can display to pay tribute to your hard work, dedication, and service to our country.
Cards of Appreciation - Operation Appreciation (Blue Star Families)
Write a card for a parent, spouse, child of a servicemember (or a veteran). This is your chance to let America's military community know how much you appreciate all that they have sacrificed in order to keep our country safe.
Childcare, respite - YMCA Military Outreach Initiative
The Outreach Initiative offers respite child care services for children whose parent or guardian needs temporary respite from their role as primary caregiver in the absence of a deployed spouse.
Christmas Tree - Trees for Troops
The Christmas SPIRIT Foundation is organizing locally-hosted events (called TweetUp4Troops) during Veterans Day week (Saturday, Nov. 7 through Saturday, Nov. 14). The local TweetUp4Troops events are designed to generate funds to support the Foundation's Trees For Troops program. To date, Trees for Troops has touched 50,082 military families by providing them a fresh, farm-grown Christmas tree for the holidays. With your help, TweetUp4Troops can spread the joy to many more families!
Compassionate Listening Service - Stephen's Touch
The Stephen Ministries is a non-denominational ministry that provides a one-on-one confidential listening ministry. Since starting in 1975, more than 9,000 congregations from over 100 denominations are involved in Stephen Ministry. These congregations come from all 50 states in the U.S.A, 9 Canadian provinces and 21 other countries.
Stephen Ministers care for people who are suffering some difficulty or trauma in their lives. Stephen Ministers don't give advice and they don't proselytize. If the person receiving care wishes, the Stephen Minister may say a prayer during the session for them but that is totally optional.
The caring listening is being offered to spouses, parents, adult children and siblings of those who died or those who are dealing with separation due to military service. Please pass this information along to others who would benefit from the caring listener.
Computers - Operation Homefront
Coping with deployments and injury recovery are challenging enough without the added burden of not being able to communicate easily with friends, family and loved ones. That's why Operation Homefront offers military families in these situations a variety of technologies to help bridge the communication lapse. We offer desktop computers, and in some cases digital cameras, to qualified deployed military families.
Counseling - Give an Hour
Free mental health services to U.S. military personnel and their families affected by the current conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Counseling - Salvation Army Homefront War Relief
The Salvation Army will support the families of troops, separated from their spouses and/or parents, with financial assistance for meeting basic human needs, along with problem-solving casework, counseling and other supportive services. The Salvation Army is committed to nurturing the spirits of all those affected by the war. Families of reservists, National Guard men and women and active duty military may need extra help in meeting basic home and family needs during deployment. Funding has been made available through a grant from the Lilly Foundation awarded to National Headquarters for this initiative. This grant will make possible assistance above and beyond what is normally available through the Army’s family service and emergency assistance programs.
Counseling - The Soldiers Project
We are a group of licensed mental health professionals who offer free psychological treatment to military service members (active duty, National Guard, Reserves and veterans) who have served or who expect to serve in the conflicts in Iraq or Afghanistan. We also provide treatment to members of their families and other loved ones. Treatment is conducted in our private offices. Our therapists are all volunteers and our services are entirely confidential. We do not report to any governmental agency.
Coupons - Send expired coupons to military families overseas (Coupons to Troops)
Coupons To Troops is your source for information on a greatly needed way that Americans can show their support for our military families who are stationed overseas, by simply mailing your unwanted and expired manufacturer's coupons.
Our military families are limited to doing their shopping for groceries and household items at the Commissaries and Post Exchanges on base, where prices are much more expensive than you will find in our stores in the U.S. Both the Commissaries and Post Exchanges allow the use of manufacturer's coupons up to 6 months past their expiration date. In other words, a coupon with the expiration date of January 31st can be used overseas until July 31st. Our military families who are stationed overseas do not have easy access to the Sunday newspapers like we do here, so they are very appreciative of any coupons that are sent their way.
Family Coaching - Homeward Deployed
Serving the flag should not be a barrier to military families nurturing emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy children. Homeward Deployed empowers soldiers and their families to maintain strong family bonds while moving through a parent’s deployment and to successfully reintegrate as a strong, resilient family team, honoring the losses and changes that come with deployment and the return from duty.
Family Support - Blue Star Families
There are currently millions of active duty, Reserve and National Guard Service members serving our country. Each of them leaves behind a family when they deploy – a family that participates in the service members’ sacrifice but is often overlooked by government and civilian organizations. And because we in military service make up only one percent of the country’s total population, most Americans don’t have first-hand knowledge of the military experience.
Blue Star Families was formed in December of 2008 by a group of military spouses to raise the awareness of the challenges of military family life with our civilian communities and leaders. BSF has grown to include spouses and families from all services and all walks of life, including National Guard and Reserve, as well as veterans and civilians who strongly support us.
Family Support - Military.com
Deployment, relocation, employment, healthcare/TriCare, adult education, childcare and youth programs, personal finance, K-12 education, branch support for families.
Family Support - Military Family Support
We serve families! Not only do the families of our Heroes get relocated away from their support network, they have the stress of wondering if their loved one is going to make it back alive. While the parents may have some choice about serving, the children generally don't. Reservists and Guard members must endure long and unscheduled periods of active duty, a situation which places uncalcuable stress on their families. Additionally, military families face a unique combination of financial and emotional needs that are worthy of our time, attention, and support. Obviously, the stress and worry of wondering if mom or dad will make it home alive is overwhelming. But add to this the fact that new recruits don't earn a lot of money, and it's clear that financial concerns are also present. And the workload of the now single-parent is increased as well when the other is deployed overseas.
Obviously there is a need to help these military families. Because we are so thankful for the service of our heroes, we want to help their families and show our appreciation. We hope that their awareness of Military Family Support's efforts to help their families will, in turn, help them feel better about serving our country and us.
Family Support - Military Family Support Center
The mission of the Military Family Support Centers, Inc. is to identify and meet needs of the families of the deployed service men and women of the Armed Forces of the United States of America.
Family Support - Military Home Front
MilitaryHOMEFRONT is the Department of Defense website for official Military Community and Family Policy (MC&FP) program information, policy and guidance designed to help troops and their families, leaders, and service providers. Whether you live the military lifestyle or support those who do, you'll find what you need!
Family Support - Mothers of Military Support
To provide high-quality, compassionate and comprehensive services to as many military personnel and their family’s as possible by offering a wide range of services such as sending soldiers needed item (Comfort kits ) in order to boost moral. We also are hosts to a talk show called “Military Soup” that provides helpful information for soldiers and their families as well as other topics concerning our military, past and present.
We are expanding our online internet presence that will provide service members and their families with access to our on line community in order to corresponds with each other as well as purchase products that help support Mothers Of Military Support.
Family Support - Operation Mom
Welcome to Operation Mom, a military family support group. Our primary mission is to provide a place where families of those serving our country can find support, encouragement, solace, and be with others who share their heart.
Family Support - Operation Grateful Heart (Alabama)
Operation Grateful Heart is Alabama’s program to ensure that all military personnel and their families receive appropriate recognition, tangible support, and neighborly care. It is focused on assisting those who are called upon to serve in the fight against terrorism and the defense of freedom, while they are serving on active duty and upon their return to communities in our state.
Family Support - Operation HomeFront
Operation Homefront provides aid to families struggling not only with emergencies, but also with the problems of everyday life.
Family Support - Operation Proud Hearts
Operation Proud Hearts is a not-for-profit organization, dedicated to serving our U.S. Military Members, Veterans, and the families they leave behind, during every stage of military life. We are military families helping military families. We care, we understand.
Family Support - Soldiers' Angels
"May No Soldier Go Unloved," encapsulates the motivation behind Soldiers' Angels. We have over 30 different teams supporting all branches of the U.S. Armed Forces. Through special projects, dedicated teams and individuals supporting our troops, we make a visible difference in the lives of our service members and their families. Our nearly 200,000 volunteers assist veterans, wounded and deployed personnel and their families in a variety of unique and effective ways.
Some teams and projects include:
- Cards Plus Team - Extra TLC for soldiers & families
- Operation Outreach - Supporting families waiting at home
- Operation Phone Home - Calling cards
Family Support - YMCA
The Armed Services YMCA (ASYMCA) is a national member association of the YMCA of the USA and works with the Department of Defense. ASYMCA has provided support services to military service members and their families for more than 140 years, particularly focused on junior-enlisted men and women – the individuals on the front lines defending our nation and their families. It offers essential programs such as childcare, hospital assistance, spouse support services, food services, computer training classes, health and wellness services, and holiday meals, among many others.
Financial - American Military Family
American Military Family provides financial support and services to members of the United States military and their families, in appreciation to all those who serve to protect the citizenry of this great country.
Food Assistance - Operation Homefront
Operation Homefront assists military families during difficult financial times by providing food assistance in the form of food boxes and gift certificates to grocery stores. While we are not a long term solution for chronic financial problems, we are able to provide emergency food assistance to those families that find themselves in a budget crunch.
Furniture, Household Items - Operation Homefront
Operation Homefront coordinates donations made by the community to provide assistance to military families. We provide gently used furniture and appliances, household necessities and baby items as they are donated. Some item requests may involve a waiting list and may not be available in all areas.
Gym membership - YMCA Military Outreach Initiative
The Armed Services YMCA and Department of Defense Outreach Initiative offers YMCA memberships to eligible military families and personnel who may not have access to a nearby military facility. Eligible military families and personnel include:
- Family members of deployed National Guard and Reservists
- Active Duty Independent Duty personnel and their families as approved by their Military Service Headquarters
- Relocated spouses and family members of deployed Active Duty personnel
Home and Appliance Repair - Operation Homefront
Operation Homefront provides a little piece of mind to deployed and injured service members with our home and appliance repair program. We offer assistance with the unexpected, routine home repair in partnership with community members willing to donate materials and services. We also provide home modifications as needed by our injured service members.
Lawncare - Free green space maintenance during a deployment (Green Care for Troops)
Lawn and landscape maintenance becomes a definite hardship when a family's major breadwinner is on active duty away from home. GreenCare for Troops is designed to show the green industry's concern for this situation, helping affected families maintain their homes' green spaces.
Library Books - Books on Bases...Smiles on Faces (Blue Star Families)
Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces is a program presented by Blue Star Families in conjunction with Kids in Distressed Situations (K.I.D.S.). The goal of this program is to have a positive impact on children from military families through book donation. Blue Star Families will present books provided by K.I.D.S. to base libraries, Department of Defense schools, and military-impacted public schools.
Moving Assistance - Operation Homefront
Operation Homefront provides military families coping with deployment and injury recovery assistance with local moves. We can provide the physical labor or a moving company to assist a family with the huge undertaking that a move can be. We rely on volunteers and community partners to provide this much-needed service to military families.
Photography - Professional photographers (Operation Love Re-United)
The last thing on your mind when your wife or husband arrives home after a 4 to 18 month tour, is capturing all this love– on film.
Most people are so overwhelmed with emotions they forget to simply point and shoot the camera they are grasping of their child’s first hug, or that single tear of relief from a mother being able to hold her twenty year old son again. With the help of Operation: Love ReUnited and local photographers near your base, you can.
If you are a member or family member of the United States Military, and are interested in having very special and touching images
with a patriotic edge taken of you and/or your family before a deployment or during, and at your reunion, please contact a photographer in your area now.
It’s all made possible by artists wanting to give something back to those who make the United States what it is, and ask for nothing in return- but to come home.
Real-time video conferencing (My Armed Forces Hero)
MyArmedForcesHero.com will be the premiere military family website worldwide, offering soldiers and their families unparalleled connections through real-time video conferencing at no cost, as well as meeting and exceeding their expectations for useful, accurate information in a quick, attractive, secure and easy-to-use format. We connect soldiers and families with the people and information they value most.
Vacation, R&R
For a list of opportunities, refer to the Ideas to Encourage Deployed Military Personnel page.
Vision Care - Operation Homefront
Thankfully, the military provides for a new eye exam every year for military family members, but the cost of glasses is not a covered benefit. Operation Homefront offers military family members in financial need new glasses for those that cannot otherwise afford to replace them.
Copyright Benita Koeman 2008 - 2010
